By Valerie Rice | December 12, 2020
Nobody wants to be “that guy,” especially not me, but sometimes you just gotta be. I’m serious. Especially when it comes to your family. There are a lot of things you can overlook, or actions you don’t actually have to take and are just dick moves, but I’m not talking about those. I’m talking about things that are literal life and death situations, not feeling like being a judgemental bastard, or feeling superior and wanting to teach someone a lesson. Not sure what I mean? Well, I was that guy, a couple of times, and caused problems in my family.Look, I ain’t a snitch, and I loathe, abhor, detest, despise, distrust and absolutely will not call these people even if I am dying. No joke. I ain’t seen sh*t, heard sh*t, know sh*t, nothin’, understand? F*k ‘em. Except for this one time. So here goes…
COOPERATING WITH POLICE
I was living with one of my sisters and her husband and their 6 children in a 3,000 square foot house that was filled with garbage. Yeah. Literal garbage. She was a hoarder. I would spend every hour after work trying to clean it only to have her children or husband throw more garbage on the floor, their animals defecate everywhere, and…it was bad, ok? Not only that, they were physically and emotionally abusive towards me and my children, not to mention their own. Screaming at them if they wanted friends over or for opening the door, pulling them from school so nobody would find out how bad it was, and threatening them with pain of abandonment if they talk about life at home, and when they broke bones trying to maneuver around the trash piles, not allowing them to speak to healthcare providers.
Now, we were in the middle of a housing crisis and there was literally nowhere to go, the homeless shelters had waiting lists. Not to mention they demanded all my income in rent, which I paid, and used all my food stamps without allowing my children to eat. My kids’ shrink called the cops. It wasn’t even me. So after putting off thm entering, and a 15 hour “cleaning” spree (shoving garbage into locked rooms) CPS and the Sheriff were allowed inside. They couldn’t do a thing, until I texted the social worker woman that I needed to talk to her somewhere away from the house. And I spilled it. All. I couldn’t take it anymore. So the Deputy asked me to take pictures and I complied, sending them to her phone before deleting them from mine, and took my kids to live on the street while waiting for a bed in the shelter. Was it wrong? I don’t think so.
The kids were malnourished, not being educated or parented, and the home was filled with all sorts of filthy, disease causing agents. Not to mention that every person in that house was terrified. After a year of my other sister and I trying to intervene and help, it took the state doing it. They lost their kids for a bit, were arrested, and we don’t speak. I have no idea how they are now, but I hope things are better. They were sick, mentally, and refused to acknowledge it or accept help and I was LITERALLY obligated by the code of ethics to report. So yeah, I may not have started it, but I ended it.
BEING “THAT GUY”
It doesn’t feel good. I am a bit of a pariah. You know how inspirational posters tell you to stand up for what’s right, even if you are standing alone? Well, it sucks and everyone hates you. But you really should do it anyway and this is why. Actions have consequences, and not just for the person taking them. The untreated mental illness in that home spread out and caused other disorders in the people who lived there. They created an unsafe and absolutely terrifying living environment, one of abuse and control, when it should have, and COULD have been supportive and nurturing. Reality ended when you crossed that threshold. The worst part was that everybody knew it, and nobody really knew what to do, it was too big. Somebody had to be “that guy.”
PUT IT TO REST
I will never see my sister or her children again because of what I did. I am a traitor. I can only hope that the social workers were able to actually help them before putting the children back in the home so that this doesn’t repeat, and the kids can grow up. I don’t need forgiveness. I don’t need anything. I want people to realize the devastating effects of mental illness and how hard it is to have to be the one to draw the line. I’m not saying be petty. I am so tired of people getting into arguments, of disagreeing with how other people live, and calling authorities. No. Stop it. My former drug dealing neighbor has called them 4 times because I wouldn’t let my kids go to her apartment. This isn’t a revenge agency, the more time they spend investigating your petty BS takes away from real problems. You have to have a really good reason, guys. But when you do, you should be the one everyone hates. Be well.